Monday Morning You Sure Look Fine

I usually make it a rule not to pander to my audience, but in this one case I will make an exception. In one of the comments on my last post, one of my most loyal of readers made a valid point. He pointed out that my last post would have been more interesting for my readers if I had provided more details on Louis getting plastered on Superbowl Sunday and not concentrated so much on providing details about the retirement community in Florida. Now that I'm pushing 40, retirement communities with golf courses don't seem quite so boring to me anymore, but I can still see the value in his criticism.

It was almost four o'clock on Monday morning when Louis woke up in the complete darkness of Fred's bathroom. The first things he noticed was that his head was spinning wildly and and he was immediately seized by the overpowering, acrid stench of fresh vomit. Louis was completely disorientated. As he tried to sit up, he put his hand down on the floor by his side and found that he had placed it in something cold and slimy. Louis slowly began to realize where he was and how he had come to be in this particular situation, although the details remained fuzzy. His head was swimming as he reached up to pick of partially digested chicken wing out of his hair. The first thing he saw when he reached up to turn on the light was the slowly congealing pool of stomach juice, blue cheese dressing and chicken skin where his head had been resting only inches from the base of the toilet and all its many weeks worth of accumulated filth.

Louis felt the familiar sensations of dizziness and nausea as he made his way into the living room and collapsed on the the sofa, giving no thought to what he might be tracking in with him from the bathroom. Cold beads of sweat had already begun to accumulate on his forehead from the exertion. Fred's dog Maggie, a happy but very drooly boxer, awakened by the activity in the living room, trotted over and began voraciously licking the previous night's meal off of Louis's soiled bluejeans. Louis weakly tried to push the dog away, but with such delicacies to be slurped off of Louis's cloths, there was nothing that would deter the dog. Doing his best to suppress a new bout of retching, Louis choked back the acidy liquid, slumped back in his seat and began slowly piecing together the previous nights events.

Louis had just finished helping his friend Justin move from his 13th floor luxury apartment into a gritty little hovel on Ash St that he would be sharing with his buddy Todd. Justin had been completely unprepared for his friends who had graciously offered to help him out, so Fred and Louis ended up spending much more time helpng out than they had ever anticipated. They hurried over to Hooters on Colorado Blvd but did not make it quite in time for the Superbowl's opening kickoff. Louis arrived in a fowl mood. Justin's lack of preparation had irritatd him and he was upset that he was late for the start of the game. In payment for all his hard work, Justin filled up an empty 12 oz bottle of Aquafina with some old vodka he dug out of the back of one of his cupboards.

Louis took his vodka and headed for Hooters. When the scantily clad waitress came to the table for the first time to take his order, Louis grabbed the bottle off of the table and and hid it between his legs. He couldn't possibly have acted any more guilty for somwbody with an Aquafina bottle sitting next to them filled with a clear liquid. The waitress even called him out on it and had him bring the bottle out to show her. He told her that it was just water, so she of course let him slide. At the time I didn't even realize that it was filled with vodka, but thought it very strange teh way he had behaved with the waitress.

Our table ordered several dozen wings in a wide variety of flavors ranghing from Three Mile Island to Cajun and we all dug in, Louis especially. He was on the Adkins Diet at the time so he felt obliged to eat as much as he possibly could. Wings are all fat and protien after all and he of course would be forgoing on desert. Before long, Louis had single-handledly polished off about 30 or so wings and drumsticks. His personal favorite was the teriaki. All the while he made steady progress on his bottle of vodka, taking regular slugs. However, Louis did did not limit himself to just the vodka. He went through several mugs of beer, as well. There was no question, Louis was in a mood to party tonight!

The Pittsburgh Steelers looked like the stronger team through the first half of the game, but as the game wore on, Kurt Warner and his scrappy Arizona Cardinals began to show some serious sigs of life. They eventually took the lead and looked as though they may pull off a huge upset. By this time, however, the Vodka was gone Louis was well on his way to losing most of his facalties and thus was not really getting much out of the game. He was slurring badly and was having more and more trouble focusing. It was at this time that I made the decision to buy a round of shots. They were out of Rumpleminze so I picked Jaegermeister instead. Louis downed it like a champ as I knew he would. I knew he had already had far too much to drink, but I couldn't resist the mischeivous temptation to push the envelope just a little bit more, sort of like a science experiment. I knew better. I knew it was the wrong thing to do. I knew this could well be the straw that broke the camels back, but for some reason I did it anyway.

It wasn't long before the results became apparent. Louis was over the edge. He began to break out in a drenching sweat and burried his face in his hands on the table. He no longer seemed interested in eating anymore wings. For Louis, that is possibly the truest sign of distress. Most of us didn't pay too much attention to him as the football game we were watching was turing out to be one heck of a great game and the excitement in the room grew.

So wouldn't you know it, less than a minute to go in the game, the Cardinals are clinging to the lead, but the Steelers are mounting what could be a game winning drive and Louis looks over and tugs on my shirt asking to be helped outside so that he can rest in the car. I looked at him incredulously and told him that he was crazy. and that he didn't want to miss the end of the game. But I could see it in his eyes that he was in serious distress. One of our other friends, Brian, took him by the other arm and we helped him out of the resturant and out to his car on the street. He knew that somebody else would be driving his car for him later, but he just wanted to rest in the back seat. When we got him out near the car, Louis assured us that he would be fine, and Brian an I returned to watch the end of the game. I later admonished Louis for turning the car on and having the headlights on while parked on the street and passed out in the back seat. My understanding is that a police officer could possibly get him on a DUI just for being alone in a running vehicle. Fortunately, we got out there before any officers happened upon him.

By the time we were taking him back to Fred's house, Louis had become incoherent and was drifting in and out of sleep. Louis's recollections ended at just about this time although as he sat on the couch that morning he tried very hard to remember anything else that might have taken place. Soon it dawned on him that he had to be at work in an hour. He stood up to get ready, but made it only a couple of steps before he realized that he would be having to call in and take a sick day. There was no way in the world that he was going to make it into the office this morning.

Thinking back later that day, searching for an excuse for what had happened, Louis decided conclusively that he must have contracted food poisoning from something that he had eaten. He rationalized that since he had never thrown up from drinking before, that that could not have possibly have been the reason this time either. He asked all the rest of us who were there if we had gotten sick as well, and seemed almost disappointed to find out that none of us had gotten anything worse than a mild case of heartburn.

I'm happy to report that it didn't take Louis long to get back on his horse and get back out there to the bars and taverns. Although from now on he will be making extra sure that his wings are cooked all the way through.

Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers who did indeed score on that final drive.

I Want To Catch Something That I Might Be Ashamed Of

I know its been a while since I've written anything here, so while I'm sitting here at the Fox Sports Bar in the Orlando International Airport I figured I'd start getting caught up.

On New Years Day when we were out for a short hike in South Valley Park, Rachel looked up from her carrier strapped to my chest and quite clearly said "Hi Da Da". The next day she said it again and a couple of days after that as well. At first I thought it was just a fluke, but after a while it became clear that Rachel was indeed identifying me as 'Da Da'. I'll admit that this made me feel a great deal of pride. I knew she recognized me a long time ago, but verbalization was something new, and at only 5 months old. Since then, she has made all sorts of other remarkable strides. Just yesterday she got up on her knees in her crib and held onto the railing. She also has learned how to clap along with me when I sing 'When You're Happy and You Know It". It's great to finally have an appreciative audiance for my singing.

With the exception of going skiing a few times on the weekends and watching my daughter grow and change every day, and of course seeing Louis get drunk enough to be violently ill after the Super Bowl, the last couple of months haven't been especially interesting. I've fallen into the dark and depressing drudgery of going to work every day while having very little to look forward to on the weekend or the future in general. Bree has been working most weekends so I'm home with Rachel. During the week, I'm working and have been taking Spanish Classes on Wednesday nights. One of these days or years, I hope to get down to Latin America again, although it's hard to say exactly when that will be.

Bree's grandmother, Peggy, has been undergoing chemo for a while now. Early last week Bree flew to Florida to see her parents and spend some time with her grandparents. I flew down to join them on Thursday after work. I pulled into her parents driveway in The Villages sometime after one in the morning. The Villages has to be the nations largest retirement community. I believe the population now stands at around 70,000 full and part year residents, all 55 and over. I'm not sure if this is true, but I've heard from more than one source that The Villages had one of the nations highest rates of newly diagnosed STD's a couple years ago. http://www.clickorlando.com/news/9283707/detail.html After spending a little time there, I would not be surprised if that weren't true. The Villages are laid out over an area that, right now, spans about 33 square miles. There are two town squares that feature nightly live entertainment and dancing. Throughout the complex there are several other clubs where people get together to listen to music, swim, eat, play golf, bicycle, play tennis and apparently, have a lot of sex. The atmosphere at these places in some ways resembles Spring Break for seniors. My in-laws belong to two separate motorcycle clubs in The Villages, but folks there can get into a club that mirrors just about any interest you could possibly have.

My first morning I went for a run. After living in Denver, with it's thin, dry air, running at sea level is a treat. I felt strong and went much further than I had expected to, while listening to on old Chili Peppers record on the I Pod. It also felt great to be out of the office and stretching my legs in the sunshine surrounded by golf courses, palm trees, and all manner of geezers tearing around on their golf carts.

Bree's sister Tamara was there with her daughter Norah. Norah is only 18 days younger than Rachel, so when they get older we hope that they will be able to be good friends. They already really seem to like one another, even if their interaction is limited to passing the occasional toy back and forth. When I got back from running we all took a nice walk together and later that afternoon went to one of the many swimming pools. This particular pool admits people 30 and younger, which includes infants. All the other pools you must be at least 30 with a valid ID to enter. We took the babies in the water with us and they had a great time. These babies had no fear of the pool and seemed to naturally move their legs in a swimming, or frog-like, motion. We, of course, had to support their bodies, especially Rachel who has been suffering from a double ear infection.

That night we went out for a fish fry at one of the country clubs in The Villages. We went there the last time I was there for a visit and as before, I was totally impressed. They have just about the best fish fry that I've ever had outside of Wisconsin. In fact, the first time I was there, I talked to a couple of people who were from Wisconsin and were in some sort of Villages Wisconson Choir. Since there are so many folks from WI that now live in The Villages, it shouldn't be surprising that they demand a good fish fry. The best part of the dinner, however, was that we sat by the windows and outside the dining room, by the pool, a group of older folks in their swim suits were doing the Electric Slide to the music of a dj by the poolside.

Bree's grandparents, Charlie and Peggy, joined us for dinner. I sat next to Charlie, but he has some trouble talking these days so I had a difficult time carrying on a conversation with him. I found this disappointing because I think Charlie is an interesting guy who has a lot of stories to tell. He was born in 1922 and lived in Miami until he was 17. I'm sure Miami was a very different place when he was a kid. Those were the days before air conditioning and the city was only a tiny fraction of its current size. so I was curious to hear some of his stories. stories. He said that dengue fever was still common in the area when he was growing up. He went on to tell a story about how his father got malaria and almost died. However, his father was serving in the British Army in India when he contracted the disease.

The next morning Bree and I took off for the Ocala National Forest to have a look around and take a short hike. On the map the national forest looks very close to The Villages. Unfortunately driving anywhere in central Florida seems to take a very long time if you aren't on the Interstate so it took longer than we expected to get there. We took a short hike to Lake Eaton and another to the Eaton Sinkhole. We covered only about 3 miles on foot, but it was good to get out and see the country from outside of the car out of sight of all the everpresent Florida big box stores and strip malls. The country itself which we were walking through wasn't terribly interesting. It was mostly scrub and pine forest and was very dry. We saw only a few birds and even surprisingly few insects, but we still had a very nice time.

We hurried back to the Villages so that I could meet my father in law Tim to go golfing. I have almost never golfed in my life and only one other time on a course other than the pitch and put at Lake Park in Milwaukee. He took me to the Caroline Course to play nine holes. This was easily the nicest course I've ever played. Several of the holes were over 500 yards and the course is riddled with all sorts of interesting hazzards including waterways where alligators are known to reside.

Golfing looks much easier than it actually is. After a couple of pretty solid opening shots, my game deteriorated badly. No less than four of my shots wound up hitting houses bordering the course. As far as I know, I didn't break any windows, but I did get a very fortuitous richochet off of a roof at one time. Tim made a great approach shot on a green by skimming a ball off of the surface of a pond and up the hillside on the opposite shore. We managed to get our game in before dinner and had a fantastic time. I don't know if I'll ever be much of a golfer but its something I'll definetely do again if I get the chance.

Before leaving the next day we went to visit Bree's grandparents at the small house they bought in the neighboring village. Tamara had to leave for the airport around noon but Bree and I stuck around a little longer to visit. Afterwards we packed Rachel into the golf cart and unfurled the plastic sides and took a run over to the Village Polo Grounds to watch a little bit of the horse pulls. The wind was furious and threatened to rip the plastic sides off of our cart as we made our way along the 40 min. ride, but we eventually made it, albeit a little late for the horse pulls.

Rachel is just about pulling herself up into a standing position, so I figure it is only going to be a little while until she is walking. I don't even know where to start child proofing our house, but we'll figure out a way to make it safe. I hope the dogs have an easy time adjusting to her being more mobile.